POWERLESS OVER MY ADDICTION FULL

When I started not giving a damn if I could recall and celebrate important milestones. I experienced the death of my life power when I ceased to enjoy my relationships familial, spiritual, and romantic.

Inconsistent thinking led to irrational decisions about my declining marriage and subsequent failed partnerships post-divorce.

Ignored my declining liver function and high blood pressure, and began to drive while intoxicated.

I became reckless, mixing prescription drugs with alcohol.

Neglect of my children and their life experiences, due to my lack of honest engagement, consistency, and meaningful family moments.

I would only dine out where there was a diverse selection of beer and wine on the menu.

Preoccupation with my addiction misguided me through all of my life experiences hobbies, social interactions, and employment all had to adjust to suit my needs to drink.

Deprivation of self-care became apparent directly affecting my self-esteem, my children, jobs, and love relationships.

My desire to drink overcame and replaced my ideals of love and personal well-being.

POWERLESS OVER MY ADDICTION FULL

I was full of self-loathing and self-deception.

I denied myself any amount of genuine success through self-sabotaging jobs, relationships, and life in general.

In time, through trial, error and immense pain, this myth of power (lending itself to miscalculated confidence) became my terrifying reality spiritual chaos. My perceived social faux pas and devoted mask to face my biggest foe self-imposed social scrutiny. This magic elixir, a cure all for my plentiful emotional ailments.

Alcohol truly served as my personal wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Power to boldly walk in front of my peers not filled with fear. Initially the drink gave me pseudo power when I never felt I was enough. “How did alcohol, my addiction, render me powerless? When exactly did it take over? It was an exercise I had done during my first of 12 steps for my AA sponsor: How I came to realize I was powerless over alcohol. It was exactly what I had been longing to find, to share with this group of local moms. When I opened this tablet, the first few pages were filled with the words that follow, written at 6 months of sobriety. I have told my story before, always to a group of other recovering alcoholics never to a room full of “normies.” I vacillated with being 100% transparent about my addiction, or toning it down.įinally, the night prior to the event, as I started yet another vain attempt at writing my thoughts on paper, I realized I was using an old notebook as a sturdy surface to write upon. A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to speak to a local women’s group, the subject was “Overcoming Our Struggles.”įor three weeks prior to this event, I wrote and rewrote countless versions of what I would say.

Powerless over my addiction